I Want a Paved Road!
Each of us has a different story. Our stories are unique and that’s what makes our grief path unique. I have walked down mine for eight years now. When I see that in print, it seems unreal. How could this much time have passed? How could I still be living eight years after the greatest loss anyone could suffer?
I think of my daughter every single day. I miss her every single day. It is different now than in the beginning. In the beginning, I felt as if I were walking barefoot on an old country gravel road. I never knew when a sharp rock of grief was going to pop up and tear open a new wound.
After the first couple of years, I seemed to veer onto a well-worn, smooth dirt path. It still had unexpected holes and bumps. There weren’t nearly as many sharp rocks, though. Due to the smoothness of the path, I could see those sooner and avoid them easier. Now I feel as if I’m on a paved street. I go along smoothly most days. There are still bumps and sharp turns. Occasionally, there’s even a big pothole that sneaks up on me. I’ll take it any day over that gravel road, though.
Do you wonder if you’ll ever get there? You are already on your way! Your path is yours alone. The success you have in walking it is defined solely by you. Read that again. Your grief is yours. Even if you are married, no two people experience a loss the same way. Remember that. You are walking on your path because you are alive. Every day that you wake up, you have walked further down the path. Every night when you rest your weary soul, you’ve made progress down that path.
Grief is hard and it is exhausting. Try to go easy on yourself. Remind yourself that you have made it through this day! Your feet may be sore and tired. Take that as a sign of success. If you aren’t tired, you aren’t moving.
I hope you reach your paved road soon. I hope you reach it and know that it is okay to feel as if life is easier. That is healing. It is okay to heal. Progress does not mean you have lost the love for your son or daughter. It means that you are incorporating all of them, their life and their death, into yours.
—Karen Sanders, Medical Social Worker (Mount Airy Office)
Mountain Valley Hospice & Palliative Care offers free grief support to the community at large. For more information, contact us today at 336-789-2922 (toll-free 1-888-789-2922).
Tags: Grief Support